Ever since my first lunch here at Mill Valley, I have religiously bought a cookie nearly every single lunch period. I am a loyal consumer of the double chocolate chip, but I am also known to dabble in and out of the infamous snicker doodle when I can get my hands on one.

Microwaving a cookie at lunch has become tradition for myself and many of my peers. More recently, the lines for the microwaves have gotten longer, and longer. All joking aside, I can honestly say I have never been more eager to stand in a line of immature freshmen and seniors giving me the stink eye.

I could easily see how someone would be irritated by the length of the line, despite their love for warm cookies. Although, if someone was truly committed to the warm cookie, then the length of a line wouldn’t make a difference. I stand against line-shaming.

I feel the need to defend the cookies because they have done nothing wrong and are receiving all of this negative publicity for it.

The microwaved cookie is extremely superior to the inferior “normal” cookie for numbers of reasons. The most important being the yummy factor. The yummy factor can best be described as that moment when your hunger has been satisfied in such a manner that is indescribable.

When an individual purchases a cookie from the Snack Shack that contains chocolate chips and does not microwave the cookie, they might as well be buying light bulbs and putting them in lamps, but never turning the lamps on. However, there will come a day, when this individual will turn on this lamp and become witness to the light and power that can come from a single bulb. This will be the day when all students and staff of Mill Valley High School come to the realization that microwaved cookies are significantly better.

There is something about the way a warm dessert from your childhood settles your stomach after consuming a school lunch, or even a lunch from your home. It makes me feel some type of way.

Therefore, I will always wait in line for my warm cookie. No matter the day, no matter my mood, no matter the length of line for that microwave. I will wait for my warm cookie.

Dear people who microwave their cookies at lunch,

I’ve only been at Mill Valley for a short period of time, but throughout my experience here, I have never seen something so obnoxious as the long, winding line of you rascals microwaving your cookies. The reason for this mess? No one knows. Only the selfish faces of freshmen haunt my brain tonight.

Writing this, I lay in bed and think about where we are heading as a human race. I hurriedly toss and turn with sweat running down my forehead, just thinking about those microwaves and those cookies.

To an extent, I absolutely understand. Warm cookies are simply better.

I just wish you would realize that school is not a place for getting your way all the time, and it must be taken into consideration that moving people through a crowded space is already a difficult task without cookie loiterers.

My thoughts are as follows: you don’t need to microwave your gosh darn cookie. It is a waste of time. There is absolutely no reason for you to take up microwave space besides your desire to have a warm cookie.

Yes, warm cookies are delicious, but we have to think of other people before ourselves. The logistics of moving massive groups of freshmen girls from one place to another is simply a mess, and is made worse since these people are now distracted while walking.

Not only that, but if you haven’t noticed, global warming is a serious issue. With every 15 second microwave cycle, you are contributing to small amounts of radiation in the clean air. This can add up, considering how many people use the microwave during each lunch period. We also need to be cutting down on energy usage, not creating more of it. With Brownback tightening belts, the school simply does not have the money for you to be wasting energy for no reason.

Most importantly, your lines clog up the entire left side of the lunch room. I cannot easily leave the Snack Shack line without running into a hoard of warm cookie seekers who refuse to move for my beautiful body to pass by. ‘Excuse me’ just doesn’t cut it anymore, fellas. Somehow, it has become lunchroom etiquette to wildly pass my hands through a group of people in order to make my way through. This is unacceptable.

Ever since microwaving cookies has become an accustomed practice, I have not been able to sleep. My nights have been restless, people. I lie awake in the dark thinking about how you all have disappointed me too much. I’m only 16 years old. I do not deserve to live like this.

I hope that you take this plea to heart, and that you change your ways.

Godspeed,

Nora Lucas