Dear people who microwave their cookies at lunch,

I’ve only been at Mill Valley for a short period of time, but throughout my experience here, I have never seen something so obnoxious as the long, winding line of you rascals microwaving your cookies. The reason for this mess? No one knows. Only the selfish faces of freshmen haunt my brain tonight.

Writing this, I lay in bed and think about where we are heading as a human race. I hurriedly toss and turn with sweat running down my forehead, just thinking about those microwaves and those cookies.

To an extent, I absolutely understand. Warm cookies are simply better.

I just wish you would realize that school is not a place for getting your way all the time, and it must be taken into consideration that moving people through a crowded space is already a difficult task without cookie loiterers.

My thoughts are as follows: you don’t need to microwave your gosh darn cookie. It is a waste of time. There is absolutely no reason for you to take up microwave space besides your desire to have a warm cookie.

Yes, warm cookies are delicious, but we have to think of other people before ourselves. The logistics of moving massive groups of freshmen girls from one place to another is simply a mess, and is made worse since these people are now distracted while walking.

Not only that, but if you haven’t noticed, global warming is a serious issue. With every 15 second microwave cycle, you are contributing to small amounts of radiation in the clean air. This can add up, considering how many people use the microwave during each lunch period. We also need to be cutting down on energy usage, not creating more of it. With Brownback tightening belts, the school simply does not have the money for you to be wasting energy for no reason.

Most importantly, your lines clog up the entire left side of the lunch room. I cannot easily leave the Snack Shack line without running into a hoard of warm cookie seekers who refuse to move for my beautiful body to pass by. ‘Excuse me’ just doesn’t cut it anymore, fellas. Somehow, it has become lunchroom etiquette to wildly pass my hands through a group of people in order to make my way through. This is unacceptable.

Ever since microwaving cookies has become an accustomed practice, I have not been able to sleep. My nights have been restless, people. I lie awake in the dark thinking about how you all have disappointed me too much. I’m only 16 years old. I do not deserve to live like this.

I hope that you take this plea to heart, and that you change your ways.

Godspeed,

Nora Lucas