Nice try, Hollywood. The JagWire has seen and reviewed the top three worst scary movies. Watch these and you’ll be more concerned with running out of popcorn than things that go bump in the night.
1. Triangle
Triangle was more than terrible, it was practically a chore to sit through. It’s about a group of people who find themselves stranded in the Bermuda Triangle. They come to an abandoned 40s era cruise liner, and anxiously board it. Once onboard, strange things begin happening, and a shooter kills all of them but one, a woman named Jess. Jess eventually manages to push the shooter overboard, and immediately afterwards, a new shipwreck of the original group, including Jess herself, reappears. Very tricky, Bermuda Triangle. The first twenty minutes are scary and suspenseful, but after that the movie simply repeats the action in that first twenty minutes and adds in more and more clones of Jess, who, each time, kills her fellow castaways in the same manner. The last hour was boring and painful to watch.
Awesomely bad moment: A distressed Jess clone runs out of bullets for her rifle and simply throws the gun at the person she is attempting to kill. Nice technique, eh?
2. Cabin Fever 2
This horror film was not only stupid, but also absolutely disgusting. In the movie, a water bottling company is selling water from a lake that is contaminated with bacteria that causes people to excrete massive amounts of blood. A breakout of illness starts at the prom and students are locked in the building by federal agents. The scenes of illness are vomit-worthy, and usually at awkward times in the film; the worst being when a couple is trying to get intimate in the school swimming pool and the girl involved fills the entire thing with her blood. Overall it was pointless, stupid, and just plain nasty.
Awesomely bad moment: Alex, the main character’s best friend, begins discharging blood from his junk while going to the bathroom during the prom. And, you guessed it, there’s a close up. Yum.
3. Dread
After watching Triangle, I thought it was the worst movie I’d ever seen, but that opinion changed after watching Dread. I would tell you what this film was about, but it was so confusing that I really have no clue as to what was happening. The whole thing seemed random and drunkenly written and performed. I can’t be 100 percent positive, but I’m pretty sure the budget for this thing was about $4. Watching it, I felt embarrassed for the people associated with the film. And, if I’m being honest, I have to admit that I didn’t even watch the entire movie because it was so awful. It was a waste of money and a waste of my time.
Awesomely bad moment: At one point, a not-so-realistic green monster is ripping the guts out of someone in the street, and when the mess is discovered the following day, a close up reveals that the guts are nothing more than the contents of a few cans of cherry pie filling. This was a rather poor attempt at creating gore.
October Film Fest Preview
Come watch some spooky student-made films on Monday, November 1 at the beginning of seminar in the Little Theatre. Purchase tickets for $1 in advance or $2 at the door.
Remember When: A girl, played by Ally Kelsey, is murdered by means of stabbing and strangulation. Her fiance, played by Ryan Hannah, attempts to track down the murderer to avenge his lost love.
Psycho of the Pumpkin Patch: A mental hospital patient, played by senior Matt Stack, escapes and goes on a rampage. He tries to kill a man, played by senior Jacob Wiewel, but fails. He also successfully kidnaps a girl, played by Ally Kelsey. The story ends when a detective, junior Ryan Hannah, chases down the mental patient and saves the day.
